there’s too many things I got running around my head.

Because when I can’t compose real-deal thoughts, I just compose sort-of thoughts in list form. So this list is called “ten things I’d like to write about in this blog post.” Enjoy.

1. Tonight, when asked about the state of my fragile little heart, I used the words “emotionally emotional.” WHOA! AWESOME WORD USAGE THERE, YOU LITTLE JOURNALISM MAJOR YOU! And, possibly even more disheartening than the fact that I chose “emotionally emotional” or that I am, in fact, truly emotionally emotional, I really have no reason to be in such a state, and thus I don’t know how to get out. I hope it’s a freak accident and that it will be better tomorrow. Emotionally emotional is one of my least favorite emotions to experience, truthfully.
2. Alright, alright, I sort of maybe have an inkling about all of the emotions. Let me just tell you, Internet readers who may or may not exist- last week was stressful with a capital STRESSFUL and sure, I get that I am a big baby, and I won’t even try to deny it. I even get that so many people go through things that are so incredibly trying, and that my week pales in comparison like a piece of white bread next to rye, and heck, I’ve been that person who would treat last week’s trials like several truly lovely trips to the ice cream parlor, but man, it sucked (for me). Wanna know? Here it is:

  • 3 homework sections due for math, BAM BAM BAM.
  • 3 quizzes due for math (in the same bam fashion)
  • 4 papers
  • 12 poems
  • 2 short stories (though I had sort-of written those ahead of time)
  • an interview failure
  • 5 2 days of working out (sigh)
  • about 10 hours of sleep
  • 3 birthday parties (that I PLANNED)
  • a dance recital
  • a 6 hour hospital visit with my best friend, and then,
  • a 16 hour fight with said friend (I know. I know. I’m a really terrible person. I know. Please don’t tell me that in a comment.)
  • some emotional emotions about some one other emotionally trying situation
  • and heck, watching The Notebook alone with a couple (this is the one you feel sorry for me about, right?).
  • Oh, and VALENTINE’S DAY. 
  • and, I got a new blister, and
  • a stomach virus!
So yeah. I have a sneaking suspicion that I have blocked out some other parts that are just too heartbreaking to remember (like when I told my interviewer that I had “trouble focusing” and would need a partner to help me “stay on task.”) 
(oh wait, looks like I remember that one.) 
(I’d had about three and a half hours of sleep.)
(She didn’t know that.)
(I digress.)
Enough said? Cause I could do a blog post about every single one of those things, although I might combine the math homework and quizzes, but only for your sake. We did Venn diagrams this week- trust me, a whole blog post on those suckers.

3. Something that makes me feel better when I’m so emotionally emotional is MUSIC and also BUYING THINGS, and so that’s why iTunes is my crack cocaine in times like this, except I keep trying songs that are sure to be awesome, but they’re not. That’s not helpful, music industry. Don’t you want to save me from my landslide of emotion?
4. Can you return songs to the iTunes store? You can’t, huh? Well, crap. I guess that was in the fine print.
5. Oh, so I forgot to say that I think maybe my emotions are a result of being so emotionally tried last week that they just haven’t returned to normal. Also, I took my best friend to the hospital and watched her cry in pain for like six hours and it broke my heart. I was scared out of my mind, but I was trying to be comforting- you know, a voice of reason and a place of solace and all that jazz, because HELLO, SHE’S IN PAIN, NOT YOU, SISTA, and so I murmured things like, “It’s okay,” and “You don’t have to be brave,” and “Excuse me while I punch that nurse so hard she needs pain meds so that while she’s retrieving hers she can you some, too,” and that was hard. But shhh. Don’t tell her that I didn’t know what I was talking about and that when I talked to the nurses, I was really nice because I’ve never punched anyone. So, yeah, have you ever heard anyone say that they would go through pain for someone they love because it hurts them more to watch it? I get it now, I totally do.
6. I’m attending this pretty good church now and it is indescribable. Really. It challenges me and speaks to me and my gosh, the Lord meets me there EVERY SINGLE TIME. I get giddy at the thought of attending that wonderful place.
7. And in all of this week, as I tried to keep my head above water, my Lord showed up. So don’t worry about me!
8. Even though I really sucked at being a good and kind person. I really did. I was whiny and I worried about myself a lot and I just all around SUCKED. And I’m trying to move past it, but all I can think about is how much better last week might have been if I would have given it to the Lord instead of trying to do it myself.
9. I get to babysit on Thursday night. Nothing warms my heart more than small human beings who may or may not excrete more than one bodily substance and expect me to handle them. Seriously, babies just make me happy.
10/11. I signed up for two awesome things today: and The first is a ridiculously awesome site that pays you (!) if your written article (!) gets chosen to be published! I’ve only submitted one thing, and it was an essay, but I have high hopes. The second thing is even more splendid than that, even though I realize it’s hard to fathom:  Booksneeze sends approved bloggers (me!) free (FREE.) books to read and review and then, you get to keep the books. Check it out, yo.

See, told you that I was thinking about a lot of things. I mean, that’s not even the half of it, but I don’t really think you care about my dry scalp, now do you? No? Alright, note taken.


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