“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand].
I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I [confidently] trust!” -Psalm 91:1-2
You want to know how I know that Jesus loves me? Do you want to know how I’m sure? Do you want to know what tramples the inevitable doubts that push through the cracks in my heart? Sometimes it takes some remembering for me, too.
But it’s the sunrise. And it’s the sunset, too, because I know that another sunrise will follow. But we’re starting at the beginning here.
If I were telling you the truth, I would have to admit that I miss the sunrise more mornings than I see it. But I still get up early, and I move quickly, and I find myself on my balcony, which doesn’t even face the direction of the rising sun. And there’s this moment when I’ve got my hands wrapped around my cup of coffee, and what’s coming doesn’t matter. And it’s not because life doesn’t matter, because it does. It’s not about knowing I can do what’s coming, because there are high chances I can’t. It’s very likely I won’t. But it’s in that moment, every morning, that I know I couldn’t do it by myself if I tried. It’s this minute when I realize again that I can give it away. I can go ahead and give everything that follows away.
It reminds me of being a child, or maybe a teenager, or maybe an adult, and being stuck in some kind of sticky deal where you don’t know what to do. You’ve just spilled the milk, or you’re on the side of the road with a flat tire, or there’s somebody on the phone with bad news and you don’t know what to do. That’s how I often feel in this life— it’s this never-ending labyrinth of big piles of sticky substances that I always end up stepping in. And then your mom comes in the kitchen and she gets a dish towel, and suddenly, you wonder why you’re crying over spilled milk. You wonder why you worried if she’d come, why you were so anxious about what was going to happen. Of course your dad will come get you. Of course he’ll change your tire. And suddenly, you’re as relieved as you’ve ever been.
I have to find this again every morning. Sometimes I’m halfway through my coffee before the weight lifts and I remember that I don’t have to do anything at all except chase Jesus today. And every single morning, I’m as relieved as I’ve ever been.
There are other ways, too; there are so many ways that surely my keyboard would fall apart before I could wrap them in the right words. There’s the people, ones who absolutely know how to do love.
And when I forget— later, in the day, when I’ve run to the things I hate and I start to wonder if I’m going to have to do it after all— He just tells me.
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn you and continued My faithfulness to you.” -Jeremiah 3:13
Yes, I have to seek this moment every day. But He promises to meet me. He promises to come. And He always does.
“Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” -Jeremiah 29:13
Some days I miss this altogether. Some days I try, all day long, to do it myself, and I spend the hours wondering why I feel so tired. And on those days, I take heart, for I know, without a doubt, that if I wake up tomorrow, there will be a sunrise.
“Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds…
9 For you are the fountain of life,
the light by which we see.” -Psalm 36:5…9