A few days; that’s all it’s been. But when I think of all that’s transpired since I last talked to you last, which was on Monday, if I’ve got my dates right (but I’m not banking on that), it awes me how much muchness one week can pour on me.
I began the last year of my undergraduate career in college, something bittersweet and magical and all-around dream-come-true.
I sat in an English class–well, three, actually–and understood more than ever before that my interest is in sharing beauty with the world, and somebody tell me how I can sit in English classes for the rest of my life, how I can make the world more beautiful?
I saw the band that’s been coloring my life with melody in person! C’mon, you guys have been hoping I’d just go ahead and stalk the Lumineers for a while now and stop talking about it.
I wandered around under a star-drunk sky and understood that all who wander are not lost.
I got myself into the arms of people for whom my soul has been longing since May; I let their tales wash over me, and I told them my own, and we were altogether jazzed that hey, we have a whole year together again! But no, let’s not talk about the Future right now, let us just look at one another in the sunshine.
And as I went along, the Lord was nudging me to see the remarkable things, and to turn to the people next to me and say what I was thinking: “I’ve missed you. I believe in you. You are lovely. This is perfect. I need you to know that I’m your friend.”
And here I am, on Saturday, taking a breath and letting the week’s brilliant chaos stretch over me a bit over a couple of cups of coffee. I think to myself, “I have to write about this,” and so I put Bon Iver on (everyone knows Bon Iver is my writing partner, right?), but I am still almost at a lost for words. I try to coax my soul: “Catch up! How do you feel?”
But my soul has a tendency to whisper quietly to my head: “Gentle, tiger. You need not know right now.”
I’d been a little worried that the winds of change would prove tornadic, perhaps destructive, demanding that I put my life back together. Now I know they’re more of a breeze on a sunny day, the kind of thing you notice, but that you relish. Now I know, now I’ve learned again, that we need not fear, either.
“Don’t be afraid, because I am with you. Don’t be intimidated; I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will support you with my victorious right hand.” –Isaiah 41:10
On Thursday, I was (don’t fall off your chair) getting a cappuccino between classes when I ran into Joanna. “Hey! Hey hey hey!” We don’t get to see each other a lot on campus, really, and it was like a chocolate chip brownie in the middle of the day, I tell you. I began to detail my day, how I’d forgotten that the August heat squeezes everyone with ferocity as we power walk to class, how I’d accidentally thrown my pen on the ground in class, drawing attention, how my mind had been blown as I listened to classmates speak with a passion that I know in regards to all the beautiful words in the world.
“And,” I said, “There’s still so much day to go.”
Maybe that’s how I feel: swept up in the brightness, in the hot, hot light. A little bit clumsy, feeling my way through, looking around, wondering who saw that misstep. Altogether taken by the pure delight in the moments.
And I know that there is so much year to go. Let us walk in the sunlight, let us take the new and make it ours, let us clumsily misstep and right ourselves, giggling when we get it wrong, rejoicing in success.
And let us remember, forever and ever, that we need not fear.